Ride

I was in the winter of my life. And the men that I met along the road were my only summer. At night, I fell asleep with visions of myself.  Dancing and laughing and crying with them. And my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times. I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events I saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky, that I wished on. Over and over again. Sparkling and broken.

but I didn’t really mind, because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it, to know what true freedom is. when the people I used to know found out what I’ve been doing, how I’ve been living, they asked me why? but there’s no use in talking to people who have a home. They have no idea what it’s like to seek safety in other people, for home to be where ever you lie your head.

I was always an unusual girl, my mother told me I had a chameleon soul. No moral compass pointing due north. No fixed personality. Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide in its watering as the ocean. And if I said I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way, I’d be lying. Because I was born to be the other women, I belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone.  who had nothing, who wanted everything. With a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom, that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about it. And pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.

live fast

die young

be wild

and have fun

When I’m at war with myself, I ride. I just ride.

who are you? are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them? I have, I am fucking crazy.

But I am free.

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