June 9th 12:37 a.m
I’ve been in such a low place for such a long time. Not writing nor music seems to get me out this sorta deep dark hole I’ve managed to dig and bury myself into. I don’t know where to begin.
But to be completely honest with you, I don’t really remember how it started, how I managed to get so deep into self destruction. I’m never really okay, but sometimes when I pretend long enough, it starts to feel real. It started to feel real. That’s when everything came crashing down.
I’m not going to go too much into detail, simply because this story is such a complicated one. One that does not have an ending. One that I’m so deeply intertwined with.
June 7th @ 12:50
I tried to kill myself. I don’t remember why, I just remember crying for such a long time, feeling so numb and so tired. Everything seemed blurry. I felt physically sick. I guess there’s still some silver of hope burning at my core, yearning for escape. Because once I realized what I had done. I rid my body of everything I had put in it. Nobody knew, nobody had to. I carried on the next day as if nothing happened.
Feeing so depersonalized for such a long time, then entering this phase of severe depression. Everything is such a blur.
everything is such a FUCKING blur.
Truthfully I don’t know how to be okay. I’m stuck in this place of endless sadness. This whole trying and hanging in there shit is getting harder each day. I probably make no sense.
So, if you were wondering where the hell I’ve been. (I don’t know why you would, or if you are). And why I haven’t written anything in a month now..? A lot has been going on, I just haven’t been able to, wanted to, or felt the need to sit down and write anything.