Before I completely loose my mind, and have a full on break down, I thought I should write my feelings out. Instead of cutting, or binging and purging. (Look at me being all direct!)
Well, let me start off by saying that I have a job now. Which means I work from 5p.m.to 10:30p.m, and then i have to come home and jump straight into my homework, leaving no time to do anything during the day. And for the past week or so, I’ve been working none stop, leaving no time in to really focus on my mental health, didn’t check in with myself. I’ve been bottling it all in. I would like to think I’m a pretty smiley and happy person with customers, but today while serving someone, I just got this feeling of sudden sadness that came out of nowhere. I suddenly realized how sad I was, and this sudden panic just came over me. I became so aware, and extremely self conscious. More then usual. My entire mood changed. I couldn’t form my words, literally. It was hard for me to speak, my mouth felt heavy. It was embrassing, if you’ve ever worked with any kind of restraunt, you know how some customers can be not so understanding and difficult at times. And to have that happen to me in public, just made my entire world crash. A lot has definitely happen over the past week that has caused me to drift into more of a depressed state, I’d say. But I just kind of made myself forget all about it. The stress of it all is just too much.
If I tell you everything we’d all be here for a century. So I’m gonna leave it there…..