Subtle

Hey, 

I love cupcakes and mango pineapple smoothies, I believe in unicorns. I still watch kids show and enjoy them very much! I love to write. I’m bisexual, and I’m in love with a girl. I love the rain, the sound of it, and thunder. 

I realized I haven’t written in so long! A lot has been going on and I just haven’t had time to sit down, and pour my soul out! 

With that being said, I have a lot to tell. So stay tuned?… 

Future explanation coming very soon! I hope you’re okay! 

You’re beautiful,

You’re worth it

You’re love

And I love you. 

 Have a beautiful morning, day, night, afternoon, evening! 

Xoxo

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Scatter plot mind 

There are some days, like today, where I want to do absolutely nothing but lay in bed all day and cry. Its great though, because we’re on spring break, so the worry and anxiety of having to call out, put myself together, or try to act “normal” is okay for now, the pressure is off for a while. I don’t know why. I never know why most of the time. I mean, I had a great night last night. My best friend had a bonfire which she made me come to, turned out great by the way! I had an amazing night, with amazing people. I woke up in a good mood this morning, that haven’t happened in a really long time, I usually dread waking up. But this morning I got right up. So its really frustrating as to why I’ve completely shifted into a completely different mood. I’m so fucking sad! And I don’t know why! 

There’s a lot going on up here (my brain), and I wish it could all just fucking stop for a while. Just for a second, i’d love to not think and feel this way. This is such a random post, but fuck it. 

P.s. I hope you’re having a great day, night, afternoon, evening or morning. Wherever you are! 

Quick update: anxiety attack??? 

Before I completely loose my mind, and have a full on break down, I thought I should write my feelings out. Instead of cutting, or binging and purging. (Look at me being all direct!)

Well, let me start off by saying that I have a job now. Which means I work from 5p.m.to 10:30p.m, and then i have to come home and jump straight into my homework, leaving no time to do anything during the day. And for the past week or so, I’ve been working none stop, leaving no time in to really focus on my mental health, didn’t check in with myself. I’ve been bottling it all in. I would like to think I’m a pretty smiley and happy person with customers, but today while serving someone, I just got this feeling of sudden sadness that came out of nowhere. I suddenly realized how sad I was, and this sudden panic just came over me. I became so aware, and extremely self conscious. More then usual. My entire mood changed. I couldn’t form my words, literally. It was hard for me to speak, my mouth felt heavy. It was embrassing, if you’ve ever worked with any kind of restraunt, you know how some customers can be not so understanding and difficult at times. And to have that happen to me in public, just made my entire world crash. A lot has definitely happen over the past week that has caused me to drift into more of a depressed state, I’d say. But I just kind of made myself forget all about it. The stress of it all is just too much.

If I tell you everything we’d all be here for a century. So I’m gonna leave it there…..