I’m doing much better then when I last posted. Much better… What ever that means! So, where do I start… Well, I made a very important self discovery today, its very much vital to this whole recovery thing, which I think is really good that I’ve realized it so early on, its a feeling that I can’t describe to you, nor can I put it into words. I hope that doesn’t claw at you, I wish I could explain it.
I also discovered today that recovery isn’t about being okay all the time, Ive found myself crying a lot more lately, and at first I was like, “what the hell?” But then it hit me, when you’ve had something at the core of your life for so long and its the only thing you’ve ever known, (positive or negative) you start to rely on that specific thing, and all of a sudden you have to rid it from your life. That’s not only hard but its very much emotional, some days are easier then others; the days that are harder are the days I find myself crying, not because I’m sad specifically, but because I have so much strength and self control to say no; stick to no, that’s how I look at it. If you find yourself crying much more then usual, know that its because you’re so FUCKING strong, and you’ve now seen what everyone else has seen your entire life, you’re worth enough, the happiness and contentment life has to offer you in every way! that you’re now choosing to rid this poison out your life. so keep crying, and keep fighting. Because I believe in you.
P.s. this post may not make any sense at all, I’m honestly not sure what I’m trying to say, but I hope you do!