So, It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post.
so here we go again?…
I’ve been so busy, stressed, and extremely sleep deprived! I think it’s a little ironic how I plan on getting my masters in clinical Psychology and I can’t even talk about mental health, or when the topic of some mental health issues is brought up, I find myself cringing. Not because I’m embarrassed or something, I just still don’t know how to talk about my it yet. Let alone in front about 35 random unfamiliar strangers.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been the kind of person to fact check people with mental health, and tell them what they need to know and should know, anyone who knows me knows I don’t easily shy away from talking about mental health, but that’s not always the case. It really got me thinking, when is it right to start talking about YOUR OWN mental health? when does it become okay to start sharing with people how you struggle? when is it okay to open up? Truth is… I still don’t know. Whenever the the topic of eating disorders or cutting is brought up, my stomach sinks, my hands get all sweaty, my entire body feels as though it’s paralyze. I awkwardly sit there and start to panic, like everyone is staring at me, they know! It feels as though there’s a huge sign on my forehead in big bold letters saying,
“WARNING: BULIMIC, SELF-HARM, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, SUICIDAL “,
I can’t help but feel for some weird reason, like everyone knows, they can tell, and they’re all staring at me, judging me. I don’t think I’m at the place in my life yet where I can be honest with not only myself, but with the people around me. And that’s okay, I’m not there yet, but I’m getting there. Little by little I’m starting to open up, not about everything, but about some things!
Recovery is NOT a race, and shouldn’t be treated like one.