Here we go again, my fake promises I can never seem to fulfill. Once again, I told myself I would TRY (key word try) to blog daily, what did I NOT do?
Moving on. My week has been a week of ups and downs, unfortunately I ended it by me having a mental breakdown at school. I rarely cry at school. And when I do, i cry in the bathroom, get myself together, and come out smiling. But yesterday was different. Like I said, I rarely cry at school, so when people saw me crying it came as a shock to them. They were concerned. How come I wasn’t my happy self today? They wondered what was wrong, but there is no use in talking to people. It wasn’t just sobs, it was crying out LOUD, shaking uncontrollably, my chest felt as though it was closing, I couldn’t breathe, my chest had this burning sensation, my head was spinning. I’m usually one to want someone to hold me when I’m crying or feeling sad. But this time, I didn’t want anyone to touch me, no one was allowed to come within a feet of me. I felt physically sick. I was convinced I was going to suffocate to death.
I’m saying this because as I sit here, I’m contemplating whether or not I should go to this party. Keep in mind the only reason I DO want to go is because there’s going to be drugs, and alcohol. More self destruction. That’s all this week has been filled with. Me self destructing. I’m physically drained and for the first time in months! This is going to be such an easy no for me.