the stigma sounding mental illness is not only repulsive, but extremely in lack of a better term, fucked up. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had false statements and remarks installed into my brain. That only a certain race can do this or that. I’m not one to discuss politics or racial discrimination because I’m always so terrified about the backlash that I might get, and I never wanted that negative attention. But If expressing how I feel, and bringing to attention something so important that is so dear to my heart, may cause some backlash… that is okay.
I’ve suffered in silence, and for a really long time, I thought that was okay. Having an Eating Disorder, suffering from self-harm, depression, and anxiety, and having every single voice in your own head telling you that you’re not good enough. That you should just go ahead and end your own life because that is so much more better then facing the harsh reality of life. And having other people look at you and tell you that you can’t cut yourself, that you can’t have bulimia, there is no way! and most of all, that you cannot be depressed… you start to believe it. For 3 years, I suffered and never said anything to anyone. Because I’m not white. I mean, after all…. black girls know how to eat… black girls like being thick or big. Having a mental illness is already draining, having to keep it a secret, you beat yourself up about it constantly! and then having the people around you tell you can’t, and how could you? this disorder is for white girls and white girls only! you’re only trying to act white by starving yourself, eating until your chest is going to explode just to stick your finger down your throat and release your demons and the thoughts and memories that hunt you the most.
by you listening to a different kind of music does not mean you’re trying to act like a different race, by you dressing a different way does not mean you’re trying to act like a different race, and having a mental illness of any kind does NOT mean you’re trying to act like a certain race. No matter what you look where or where you come from or who your parents are… none of that matters. Mental illness does not go through a crowd of people and pick out who’s white enough to have a mental illness of any form.
because not ALL BLACK GIRLS KNOW HOW TO EAT.