Relapse is hell. You were doing okay for a while, then suddenly, you’re not.  So you beat yourself up about it, the anxiety that follows a relapse is the hardest. You start to feel even more lonely, even more trapped.  That little spark that you were holding onto for dear life, goes away. And for the first time in a while, you’re reminded again of what total darkness feels like. You scream, but no one seems to hear you. You’re stuck. All the lies, all the excuses, all the avoidance. It all starts ALL over again. But no one sees through those lies, no one knows.NO ONE knows… And for once again, you have to smile, grin and bare it. For no one knows the pain.