Don’t say you will, because you won’t

Let’s take a tour in my young and twisted mind. If you really want to know what i’m thinking, you will never really understand. Don’t say you will, because truth is, you won’t. you just want me to pour my heart out to you so you could slap a label on me. “she’s crazy” all your judging words, stop staring at me like I’m some kind of math problem you’re trying to solve but can’t. Right before you give up and leave. Because you will.. they always do. I’ve been scarred and broken and beaten, and pushed.  have you ever thought of death so much that you start to breathe, eat, sleep, dream, every waking hour of everyday, you’re thinking about how you’re going to die, and if you’ll die soon. because the numbness in your heart can’t take living on this Earth any longer. I know you think this is just another sob story. And you’re right, it is. I think people don’t take me seriously when i say i have no love in my heart for anyone, I mean how can someone be so cold and numb…right? Yes, I have friends.. yes i laugh and hang out with them just like anyone else would. But they themselves don’t understand even if they wanted to. I don’t know how to explain it to you. I have no words except for emptiness, and feeling alone ALL THE TIME. I guess being deprived of love from a very young age has a role to play. People are so quickly to judge. How can i tell you i feel sad when all you’re going to say to me is….

“just be happy.”

“laugh more.”

“don’t be, other’s have it worse.”

“there’s light at the end of the tunnel.”

“you’ll be fine.”

The burning in my throat and the scars covering my body says otherwise. But i guess you’re right..

“I’ll be fine.”


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