It’s so easy to get lost in the darkness of your own mind. It’s so easy to let the darkness consume you. It’s SO easy dwell in the abyss of loneliness, anger, rage and hatred. Not only for the people around you, but for yourself. You’re constantly asking yourself…. how can I hate myself so much to the point where every single second of every single day, I’m questioning whether or not my life is worth living. you come up with these scenarios in your head of ways you could end your life without a possibility of you making it, you spend hours on the internet searching up how many pills it would take for you to die, how deep you would have to cut for you to bleed out, how long your body can go without food before your organs completely shuts down. You become obsessed.
The thought and the possibility of you leaving this world and all your problems behind, almost excites you. Suicide is never the answer, but for a moment, it seems promising. Nobody can hurt you. You don’t want anyone to hurt you, so you have to hurt yourself first. You have to beat them to it. You have to have the last say. It’s all about control. Every single thing you do is about control. But of course.. you don’t tell anyone about this. because you know exactly what they would say. “you’re crazy”. Maybe I am.