I’m not crazy

In less than one week, I’ve managed to go from feeling like a somebody, to feeling like nothing, you know that sick feeling you get every time you look in the mirror, the self hatred you have for yourself that no one will ever understand, the self hate you never let anyone in on, because you’re afraid of what people might say and think of you. so, it becomes YOUR little secret. (smile they’ll never tell the difference) Breaking News: “I hate myself” shocker, I’m constantly baffled by the amount of negative feed back I get from people; yeah I know, I always say “I don’t care what people say or think about me, why does it even matter?”. But lets face it, I die inside every time someone say something remotely mean or rude. For instance, the other day I had my headphone in as always, doing my work in class, when i was asked a question by this kid. (AND LET ME JUST SAY, I HATE IT MORE THAN ANYTHING WHEN I HAVE TO TAKE MY HEADPHONE OUT TO SPEAK, I HAVE IT IN FOR A REASON). and I answered his question, to my surprise, this guy turned around and said to me “Why don’t you go kill yourself” and laughed, and so did everyone else. Maybe I need to update my sense of humor, but I am pretty sure, that’s really fucked up. so, I turned around and I said to him “I’ll burn you” suddenly everyone became alarmed, like I was holding a gun against his head demanding he give me crash right at that moment, or I was going to shoot him. I guess my teacher heard what I said to him, and give me this 90 hour speech on threats and how that could lead to lawsuits and shit. (how about this kid telling me to go kill myself?) (shhhh.. be quite..nobody ever listens to you) as if he didn’t just hear this kid tell me to go kill myself, like suicide was a joke. I thought to myself, “Maybe I should.” no I can’t, I made a promise I have to meet Demi Lovato and Beyonce before I die. Suddenly feeling invisible. ha, that’s an understatement.

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